If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband some day.
—Franklin P. Jones
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
—Alice Roosevelt Longworth