My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. —Ronald Reagan More about this quote Tags: war humor America Russia bombing Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. —Saint Augustine More about this quote Tags: humor purity indulgence Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums. —G. K. Chesterton More about this quote Tags: humor insanity self-confidence Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. —Mark Twain More about this quote Tags: humor knowledge youth lying Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Nearly one-half of all Americans are torsos. —Demetri Martin More about this quote Tags: humor USA statistics bodies anatomy Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. —Mark Twain More about this quote Tags: friends humor hell heaven Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait. —Jose Simon More about this quote Tags: humor food fish Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf. —Robert Bloch More about this quote Tags: humor heart childishness Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. —Paul Murray in Skippy Dies More about this quote Tags: life humor humility fools grace Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. —Steven Wright More about this quote Tags: humor world painting Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. —Albert Einstein More about this quote Tags: humor knowledge tradesmen Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. —Groucho Marx More about this quote Tags: humor intelligence contradiction military Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant. —Scott Adams More about this quote Tags: humor fish hats Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness. —James Thurber More about this quote Tags: humor consciousness allergy sneezing Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.) —Ambrose Bierce More about this quote Tags: humor knowledge thinkingm Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email