If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. —Henny Youngman More about this quote Tags: humor success skydiving Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? —Jay Leno More about this quote Tags: humor lottery psychics Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. —Groucho Marx More about this quote Tags: humor time fruit flies non sequiter bananas Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. —Fred Allen More about this quote Tags: humor reading writing money buying Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. —Groucho Marx More about this quote Tags: humor reading books dogs Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency. —Unknown More about this quote Tags: humor Groucho Marx Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. —David Lee Roth More about this quote Tags: humor fitness water jogging Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. —Ronald Reagan More about this quote Tags: war humor America Russia bombing Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. —Saint Augustine More about this quote Tags: humor purity indulgence Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums. —G. K. Chesterton More about this quote Tags: humor insanity self-confidence Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. —Mark Twain More about this quote Tags: humor knowledge youth lying Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
Nearly one-half of all Americans are torsos. —Demetri Martin More about this quote Tags: humor USA statistics bodies anatomy Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. —Mark Twain More about this quote Tags: friends humor hell heaven Permalink for this quote facebook twitter tumblr email